So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
