grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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