if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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