Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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