mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
