O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
