Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
