Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
