I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
