I think I just saw someone hide a body.
kristin has been a bad kristin
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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