Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
