it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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