I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
