I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
why is half of my head shaved?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
