the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
