We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
