Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
