Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
