At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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