I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
