i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
