ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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