Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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