I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize