you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
