we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
