i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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