Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
