your thong is hanging out like whoa
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
