I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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