Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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