She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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