"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
