a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
