I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So much rum. So many feels.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
