And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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