I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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