i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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