He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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