so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
my poor anus
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
