Can i not drive my cunt home
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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