I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
