Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
