I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
