I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
