you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I didn't notice because vodka
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
