if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
