nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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