Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
