My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
