highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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