I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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